trying to find a good place, but cant

i don't know how long i've been trying to get myself interested in other things, nothing seems interesting.
and if i do do something, i always feel like im forcing myself to do it. evn writing thius is kinda hard, because.. i dont know. i don't feel like doing anything.
like, im trying, but just end up feeling more exhausted than i was before.
or maybe it's my self hatred, that sometimes happens. i just feel like however much i try, i can't find a good place for myself. i don't know why.
games? draining and make frustrated. like, any game.
drawing? i don't feel like i want to.
i dont even know what i want in life.
and goddamit, i just can't do anything, but keep everything inside. maybe that's where some of my self hatred comes from?
i feel like when i get some good wordsm i start feeling worse. i don't know how or why. i jsut can't.

anyway, have a gud day, whoever will read this