birthday blog

137 as i write wednesday i think

it’s my birthday, yay.

it fucking sucks, i was to go to a restaurant super far away from my home with some friends and i knew it was going to be a pain in the ass to ask my mother to take me there because (surprise!) i don’t know how to drive, and she always gets into these… “moods” when she has to drive me anywhere. i knew how she was going to act today and she still blew it out of the park.

so, of course, we fought.

to be completely honest i was really looking forward to a fight on my birthday, either because i truly do not want to go out to eat that late or because i’m just feeling like it. i was hoping to fight my best friend, and i did had the opportunities, but i ended up fighting my mom, which is somewhat more gratifying because i’m an “awful” person and truly get joy out of making people feel heartbroken.

anyway, she clocked it. half our fight in and she realized, with glossy eyes, that i was making up the whole fight to make her feel miserable. whoops, busted. i denied it all and just tried to, i don’t know, fuck everything up more—which i managed—and then the fight was done. 

i made this huge deal out of it with my friends. i cancelled the birthday dinner, then i didn’t, then i did, then i didn’t, and now they are coming over in a couple of hours so we can leave for the restaurant. it’s been good, probably the best birthday i’ve had in years, and i feel liberated, in some sick way. 

should’ve cancelled it, though, because i am not eating that late.