i am a lonely being - 2:39am

i have never written a public blog before but like, it's not really much of a blog more just "i am so fkin lonely, none of my friends are awake/will speak to me/look like they wanna talk, so now im sad," kind of post :(

why does it feel so painful to want to talk to people and you can sort of tell they are in the mood to not speak? sometimes i feel like it has to do with my personality, like maybe im just not that interesting, but i sure am interesting to them when the conversation is about them ! like what if i wanna talk about aliens or what it means to love or what your favorite cheese is ? why does the convo always have to revolve around your crushes or your day at work ? 

i guess i shouldn't be too harsh, im not a saint or a selfless conversation haver either -- it's just! I've been awake for until 3am wanting to talk to my friends/bf and it's like they all have their own lives and are either tired, busy, or maybe they just don't feel like talking. am i really going to berate them for having lives? that's stupid

i guess i just wish someone was always there for me like i always am for them

im always so eagerrrrr to talk to all of my friends cause it's like "omg! you wanna talk to me!" but it's been so rare nowadays

i don't even know what im saying anymore, im just sad </3

i bet other people relate tho, hopefully this reaches someone going thru the same thing