Please Do NOT Eat Radioactive Mushroom Samples

November 19 1997

To the fine folks who planned to cook and eat sample Fungi-B-3006 (which, for those who haven't spent the last three years up to their eyeballs in sample records, is a shiitake mushroom that's been spitting out Beta particles by the thousands per minute) please reconsider your choice of cuisine. (I assure you, beta-decay-ing mushrooms are NOT part of a balanced diet.) 

At the very least, please postpone your plan long enough for me to submit a request to transfer the sample elsewhere. No amount of coffee will give me the patience to contact your next of kin in a sympathetic or kindly manner, so keep that in mind.

Thank you for your consideration.

Also, reminder that the employee of the month will be chosen at the end of the week. I urge whoever is STILL in possession of my (HIGHLY RADIOACTIVE) algae sample to keep in mind that I'm not opposed to bribery and I'm willing to negotiate to get it back.