seasons and holidays

man i wish it was fall already. honestly mostly so i can dress in jackets and hoodies again. i only have so many shirts i can rotate through but no one questions a jacket. also i wanna try out this new hat i got but i cant wear it until it matches my outfit and it is too damn hot to wear anything but a shirt and shorts. i wanna go to the lake one last time before it starts to get cold again. i want to get sunburnt one last time. 

ive been excited about fall for a while now since it is gonna be my first august and onward not being in school. it feels a little weird but now i get to fully experience it. i have more time to go on long walks with the blueish-grayish sky that gets warmer in color as the temperature gets colder. with every step i take i hear the satisfying crunch of pretty, dead leaves. 

what makes it better is i also have a chance to finally start living authentically, and its going to be the 29th of august. ive been anticipating this for years, and to finally have it so close to my reach is wonderful. i feel like a child who has finally grown tall enough to reach the cookie jar by himself.

im also very excited for winter. mostly for christmas. i am one of those people that takes the holidays way too serious while all my friends are grinches. i annoy them with my constant longing to see lights, to dress in coats, to give gifts, to see snow. im not a christian but god do i love an excuse to have a magical sort of happiness to share. maybe its because i look at past christmases i had as a kid fondly. my friends didnt have what i did. that just means im going to give it to them this year. im going to do everything i can to make them feel the same way i did as a kid. i'll be the one to drive them around neighborhoods to look at lights. i'll be the one to take them out to bookstores to get hot chocolate. i'll be the one to play out in the snow with them. we can even decorate my, admittedly very small, tree together.

it will be special