dawg days of summer

there are many family birthdays in the latter half of the year so i tend to be out and about very often around late july. today, i went to my nephews birthday at an arcade. fun! i felt the most fancyfree and airy in public there than i've felt in a while. maybe it's because there was a beat saber machine. i can play beat saber at home yeah but... Machine in public.. wow.

but my real reason for writing a blogpost is my Conflict. i desperately need to get a job but have 0 desire to search. im in a comfortable spot yknow, i live with my family and there's food and love. but i want to move out and live with my boyfriend who is many states away. you would think that's enough motivation but... knowing the emptiness of working a job scares me. it would be nice if i could do something i enjoy but everything i enjoy requires a college education. i can't afford that and student debt scares me more than getting a crap job.

so i just kind of sit around waiting for the day i feel sick enough of being here that i go apply for some jobs. sucks. it's not really a conflict when i know the solution but...

i also need to be saving money. due to it being Birthday Season i've spent alot of money. but i feel so defeated after doing so i feel that itch to just buy frivolous things (h20 go sea lion toy O_O) because its like well LOL i've just bought all this dumb shit. at least i'm not dipping into my savings acct...anymore.

i just wish that independence here didn't come with toil. you wanna be on your own? well sorry bud you gotta work in the hamburger mines for 12 hours. my state's minimum wage is still 8 dollars.

eh. maybe i'll buy that stupid sea lion (and 🌿) and that'll be it til i find another job. it's time to kick into gear... and get out of the fucking SOUTH. anyone that follow me in the south? sucks doesn't it. it's beautiful but i feel like Conservative Eyes are On Me.

i have nothing to end this blog post with. i'm on the terlet