a blog about losing all your hair

as a kid i had lots of rude petty judgements about people passed down to me from my mom and general society. a man who is balding or has hunched posture is sure to be a creep, it's such a prevalent thought about such a large portion of the population that this sort is typecast into villainous roles throughout media for many many many years. even worse, a balding odd man with an effeminate personality. what some see to be an emasculated failure.

...uh oh! that is describing my blooming physical appearance and personality rapidly! Uh oh!

i am a transgender man, on t for a mere 2+ years. yet due to genetics i have been rapidly losing hair. i have a very "fruity" personality, and a terrible posture due to bad habits. i'm suddenly becoming something society finds undesirable.

honestly, i'm not too upset. i have no desire to be found appealing by general society. but that's not the problem here. the problem is all of these are uncontrollable. sure, i may be on testosterone and i can really work on my posture and try to make it better. but for some this is not something they have any hand in. it is just their bodies and life. we dare shame them? act like balding is the worst thing that can happen to someone?

through my life i've had to undo a lot of the ignorance ingrained into my mind. i didn't just decide to undo this notion in my mind-- i've been working on thoughts and feelings like this for years. but experiencing it firsthand and empathizing with my brother fully, i've reached a point where i just cannot stand others even making bald jokes anymore. how disrespectful and cruel to shame someone for their appearance they cannot control! would you do the same of someone of any other bodily feature?

i would also like to do away with the notion of balding being hypermasculine. in my soul i am flamboyant, flirty, airy and illustrious, but a man dare not be those and be bald. a faux pas even amongst LGBT circles. i'd like to carry myself the way i always have, but i suppose things are slow to change.

it's been really hard. i'm still at the beginning stages of hair loss but i notice it and if others look too close they notice too. growing up as a girl, i had notably healthy and thick hair. it's one of the few things i ever got compliments on (normal compliments, not catcalls). losing it feels like i'm losing worth to my essence. but why? it's the hair on my head, not my body, my soul, my expression...

i don't know where i'm headed with this. it's rather late and this subject is always on my mind. its a self consciousness struggle. i'm trying out monoxodil foam to see if it'll slow it down. i wouldn't care about going bald if it weren't happening this young. as an aside, it's really sad how differently people treat you when you're masculine. I DONT MEAN THAT IN A MISANDRY WAY LOL but i miss being able to compliment people's outfits completely sincerely and earnestly without being seen as 1. gay target 2. creep. it's only gonna get worse as my hair falls out too. ugh!

 at least my boyfriend still thinks i'm cute. it's funny, i'm growing a really nice beard, but i'm balding. he's got a luxurious, sexy head of long hair but can't grow a beard past his jaw. put us together and you get a guy with a normal amount of hair. and he's been on t twice as long as me!

not sure what else to say... if you're the type of person to make jokes about other's appearance, really rethink about it. i hate elon musk but people sharing that one pic of his receding hair (in the exact pattern mine is) is just like a reminder that Oh Right, people think that ugliness = evil. like can you make fun of him for trying to hide his family's emerald mine or something.

btw, this sentiment applies to like, anything on a body. acne, fat, deformities, baldness, whatever. the vessel for our souls matters not.

anyway, this is a proper blog post! wow! i haven't made one in years. i'm trying pokemon sleep out. insane that it wants you to keep it on all night and on your bed and plugged in. i hope i wake up not on fire.

much love, thanks to anyone reading. goodnight.