I hate my best friend

My biggest regret in life is ever meeting my best friend.  She always ruins my life and makes my life a living hell and never actually cares to change.  I know this but I always forgive her each time she crawls back despite all the times she lies to me and stabs me in the back. 

I really need to break out of this cycle.  I'm tired of loving someone who always hurts me and clearly doesn't love me the same way.  I feel trapped and like I'll never actually be able to get rid of her. Sometimes I wish she disappeared forever just so I could get some peace of mind.  

I won't talk about all the things she's done to me because a girl needs some secrets (　＾∇＾) but she has crossed the line multiple times and traumatized me to a point I changed for good. I can never go back to being innocent again. 

I cut her off again last night.  A week before my birthday and I wept.  I wish she could have waited to hurt me until after my birthday but she's always so selfish. Looks like I'll be spending my birthday alone this year. 

Hopefully this time she'll be gone for good because I can't take this anymore.