more money spent

530 as i begin to write this thursday i think

it’s my father’s birthday today, which would’ve entailed me eating cake and going out to eat but he’s working so i’m free on that. i started fasting at 1 today, and i’ll see where it takes me—i’ve just been filling myself up with water but im relinquishing it now. 

the day started with me on my new mattress: glorious, beautiful, new. i actually did not feel that much change, but i guess it’s because my back’s fucked. i took a shower after days, not disgusting i swear, and then i had to go to the bank to pay for my german classes (i signed up on a whim), the line was super long, not worth it, but i stayed there anyway. i guess i’ll be learning german this semester.

then my mother, sister, and i went to buy my father’s birthday cake. they chose an ice cream one, milky way and some other candy bars, which is fucking disgusting because it’s stacked. so me not being able to eat it is not a great loss. 

after it i just spent the day sleeping, writing because i had a horrible idea i had to put into words, and being miserable. i was to make plans with some friends but our itineraries clash, as if they even could! we’re on vacation, but whatever. 

now i’m just writing this to kind of keep up an habit, to remind myself of who i am and what i’ve been feeling. it’s good, it’s like an exercise.