I wish I could die

Without being sent to a psychiatric hospital time after time, being told what to do condescendingly by doctors and nurses with no empathy. I felt hopeful the other day and threw away all of my razor blades. Now I have nothing. No vice. Can't smoke cigarettes, I'm pregnant. Can't slit my wrist open, no blade. Besides, it's a one-way ticket to 4 ugly white walls with a locked door. Not to mention, I don't want to be stuck in a room with severely catatonic old people. I just need to be held but have nobody who wants told me. I need something. I need somebody.