Family shit (tw sh) vent

It’s not even night time yet and my parents have found a way to make me look like a fucking idiot. They keep giving me looks whenever I try to joke, when I talk about my experiences they look at me as if I’m some alien or smt. 

AND THEYRE TOO LOUD. Always yelling at someone for something. That’s probably why my hearing is so bad, there’s always someone screaming in my fucking ear.

And not to mention just how they are in general. I can’t joke,stand up for myself or BE myself without them making me feel like dirt I fucking walk on. 

There’s never a day where everyone is happy either, someone just has to be in a bad mood and it’s blamed on “money problems “ like?.. that’s no fucking reason to act like an asshole to other people in the house? Whenever I’m feeling suicidal or depressed or manic NEVER do I treat them like shit. I could literally be on the edge of doing something stupid and they won’t notice until it’s actually happened. I can’t tell you how many times in the past I’ve exposed my arms while they were fresh and they didn’t notice. LIKE HOW?. They don’t pay attention to me at fuckibg all. Only when I need to help with bills is when they wanna talk. Only when I’m failing in school is when they wanna talk, and I’m sick of it. They don’t care about what I do or don’t like. They don’t care what I have to say. 

Like the last week of school, they didn’t care enough to drive me there in the morning. Yeah 3 miles isn’t that big of a deal to me but it’s the fact they didn’t care. They ignored me and gave me the cold shoulder. ABD IT WAS SO EMBARRASSING. I HAD TO WALK TO SCHOOL WITH MY FACE RED AND COVERED IN TEARS. I couldn’t go to my first two classes for about week or so bc my panic attacks over my dad and pass shit was so bad I couldn’t talk or breathe correctly.  To walk pass classmates while hyperventilating and sobbing isn’t something I wanted to do but I had to deal with it.  

OMFG. And now I’m not gonna have a ride what looks like all year bc “my parents schedules don’t work” and that’s why only NOW THEY CARE ABOUT MY FUCKING PERMIT TEST. The worse thing about it, is they think the school thing in funny. They make jokes about it, and it hurts so bad. I don’t wanna walk to school everyday. And yeah you can call me spoiled for not wanting to walk 3 miles but whatever.