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it is so frustrating and depressing to see the kitchen so dirty after cleaning it. my sleep schedule and routine is extremely different from the rest of my family's which means usually the times i go into the kitchen are when they are asleep already. (i'll be changing/fixing my sleep schedule soon hopefully, im naturally a night person). i go into the kitchen maybe 5 times at most. 2 on a slow day. 10+ on a busy day (cleaning day or im feeling more energetic). anyways, this usually means the mess that accumulates has almost nothing to do with me. i know my little brother is still learning and growing and becoming his own person but jesus christ seeing the aftermath of him making food drives me almost insane. he'll just leave everything there, empty eggshells, ramen wrappers, ramen broth in the pot, oil splatter all over the stove and counters, paper towels all over the counter and table, leaving milk out, leaving meat out, letting frozen food out on the counter, etc. 

like i had just cleaned all that up ON TOP OF what my parents left. "you don't have to clean up after them" i honestly do not mind, im really just so fucking confused if they just... give up? like okay my little brother is still learning and my parents doing it too isnt exactly setting an example and im not out of my room enough to set an example. it just makes me depressed. like, i imagine if i lived by myself, a bit of mess would accumulate but genuinely i dont think it'd be to that extent. anyways...

my dad apparently wakes up at like 5am... i havent slept yet, and i'll probably continue to stay up until he and my mom leave to go to their office... he's putting dishes in the washer rn. he boasted, saying, "you cleaned? ah yeah i did the dishes! i'll put them away haha-" as he went to open the washer. 

"oh, i did it already" ... it was one of the first things i did. its crazy bc they had been sitting in there for no less than 2 days, and the kitchen was steadily getting messier and messier but that was apparently the only thing he could work on.

"stop being so hard on them! they're probably mentally ill and cant do things consistently, yr so ableist and anti-mental health!!!!" i wish i wasn't born then :D if you can't provide suitable conditions for a child maybe dont have children ;3 

"but things later in life could change things!! it wont always be perfect!!!" that is true, and to that i say, there are resources and ppl you can reach out to that will provide the help you need in order to make sure yr family is adequately taken care of and such. at this point im juss so tired of leaving my room. i wish i could just change the house, but i already know that wont change much except where the mess is in the house. new counters, same mess. 

anyways, i just needed to rant about this, if yr going to offer any type of advice or comfort- don't. i genuinely don't want it. i don't need it. i already know, and i already comfort myself. what i really need is someone physically to help me or get me out of here. so unless you can do that, keep yr comments to yrself lmfao.