i love writng

Ever since then, I keep a diary to myself as this is where I write down things to talk a lot about my feelings, in our household where I am neglected there is no space for me I can vent myself out. So, I love the internet, when I get so sad I can just watch anime, when I get too miserable I just read books, when I am stress I just watch movies. Having access to the internet is a privilege, and I think it made me continue going through my life. Honestly, if we don't have internet? I probably have killed myself as young as the age of 16. I don't see any value in life, but the moment I learned about coping mechanisms, life is so worth living when you side with capitalism. I am going to work so hard to death, so I can afford anything I want in this life and pay every cent back to my mother, and when I am already satisfied and if everyone is also satisfied I am going to kill myself, but like what around in my 50's? yes that's too long to wait so,,,, if im going to work so hard that I earn a million around in my 30's then maybe at 40's im good to go, sounds happy to me. I am happy when I think of my own death.