bro im seriously about to start crying. i feel so fucking lonely and i wish i attracted people the way others do. i want friends but i dont attract them, i don't put myself out there and i feel sorry for myself. i see extroverted people and i'm like "damn that must be nice" and then i realize "they have friends bc THEY make friends with people, they don't wait around for someone to notice them" and it makes me start bawling my eyes out. i wish i had that energy i wish i had the motivation i wish i had that incentive i wish i had that social capacity. im so fucking depressed and sad and i wish i had the personality to draw people in like i did before. im just a shell of what i used to be in every fucking aspect of my life. i see others be what i wanted to be and i start sobbing. i start wallowing in self pity. im so depressed i don't even know what to do anymore, its so hard to reach out to anyone, its so hard to help myself, its so hard doing anything, i wish i was a small kid again. i wish i could start all over and make as many friends as possible and make as many choices as i could just so i could change. "just change now" i have no energy. im so fucking.... depressed. i see streamers and youtubers get comments of "i hope you get better" and genuine heart felt comments and i feel envy, i feel jealousy, i feel everything reading those and i just start breaking down. i wish i had that, and i'll never have that because i dont have the personality or energy for it. im so done with my life and i still have at least 50 more years to go, and i genuinely dont see it getting any better than this.
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