Day 3 without my comfort item

So today I went to the library again because they were holding a pendulum painting event (my sister forced me to go), and my friend was there today. I asked her if she had my plushie, and apparently she didn't even see it. Im in a bathroom stall rn as I'm typing this and I have a bunch of pencil marks on my arm (I was relapsing again) and I feel like shit rn. I don't want my sister to find out about my sh so imma clean up after I finish tying this. I fucking hate being alive rn istg