intellectual bypassing

according to a youtube video i was watching while work was slow, intellectual bypassing is a form of "trauma response", (i wouldn't consider myself traumatized, per say. as a child i thought i had a pretty good deal.) that involves you rationalizing the pain others cause you, and becoming superficially "aware of" your emotional states in order to bypass the actual feeling parts of your feelings, and i immediately recognized this as something i did (and do) so constantly that i was convinced as a teenager that i was fundamentally "inhuman", as if something was so wrong with me that prevented me from being able to actually feel even negative emotions without rationalizing and immediately analyzing from a strange nihilistic omnipotent perspective, 

"the truth of the matter is, yeah it hurts, but you're going to be dead in 60 years if nothing goes wrong and that is a blip in time so miniscule that what you're feeling is so honestly pointless", 

or 

"yeah it hurt but they probably are suffering too, and the struggles that they go through makes them likely to act that way when they are triggered by doing so. it's only a human response."

the video recommended to take time to genuinely process and force yourself to completely immerse yourself and feel the emotions that naturally trigger from stimuli, without analytics. to have something hurt you and you feel the hurt, even if it doesn't make sense to you immediately.

 this is hard! i can't really feel things without my brain immediately, completely unconsciously taking over and analyzing myself, and i feel like, at the ripe age of 25, it's a habit that is baked deep within my psyche. it even bleeds into the way i communicate with others and how i think they think. i decided to take some alone time after work to decompress, (i was kinda melancholic for some reason. maybe the weather?), and it turned into an entire evening to decompress. i don't super mind, but i feel bad for letting my gf sleep without seeing her today at all :'( 

i'm bored of typing abt this now tho! so bye