Him

He sees colors, spots and shapes. He sees people in the corners of his eyes, the only ones that seem worth talking to. each day passes w new stressors more reason to do it, but the same old feeling never leaves. New people enter his life, he claims they’re the love of his life but the feeling never lasts, either that or he ruins it. He ruins it by freaking out, getting upset than blocking them. He ruins them by getting sad and believing the things he thinks of. He believes they despise him, that they talk shit and hate him. He only values the feeling of needing someone, not dating but the chase, expirencing how they’ll never want his  feelings. Obsessing and constantly thinking of them, wanting to be in their brain, wanting to be them. He tries to fill the loss of two loves with new people but he’ll never feel the same as he did with them, when he talking with them it was everything, he thought abt each word both had said and replay them, the inside jokes, the spamming each other, the FaceTime calls and having a list of what theyd do when they met. The one he adored was she’d climb a tree while they were high, everything they planned tg everyone they had done meant nothing to her, she forgot it all. But surprise it had ended with him blocking her, for the wtv time. He can’t stop it, his emotions overflow and he believes every bad thing he thinks abt himself they think as well, or he gets upset at the fact the don’t care enough, he makes himself believe it.

 He wants to find someone who understands him and wants the exact feeling from the past, but it doesn’t happen. And it never will so is there a genuine point to devoting urself to one specific person, or to any?