ah

idk what to do . i messed up the only actual close friendship i had . i messed it up and now she favors someone else . i'm so FUCKING sick of myself i can't take it . i knew this would happen . i'm never going to be anyone's  number one fucking never and it's such a pipe dream for me to think that i could've been . there's no point in me making friends or staying with the ones i already have . literally no point . i don't know what to do anymore . seriously i don't know what to do . i was already hopeless when orange and apple got bored of me and left and now it's gonna happen again i can't . i don't want to do this anymore . i want to be different . i don't want this . she's not even my fucking fp but i'm upset because this just solidifies the pattern . i'm never going to have anyone that holds me as their #1 for long because there is absolutely nothing about me that deserves it .