i'm the type of person to avoid things in the way that if i know someone i like or want to get close to is already somewhere, like at a party, i won't go to the party.
why?
i think it's because i'm so scared of rejection and forcing myself into a situation where i might not be welcomed or make myself seem awkward/foolish or say the wrong thing that i won't even give myself the chance or possibility of that happening.
how do you get close to people then?
i typically don't, to be honest... a lot of my friends are either extroverts who recruited me (lol) or are introverts that ended up having deep conversations with me and decided me disappearing for a couple weeks was fine. or you're my best friend from highschool and we spent all our time together for years and then covid happened and now we see and talk to each other once a month and it feels like no time has passed since we've seen each other.
i bring this up because i know this is probably something i should work on and i'm trying to be more conscious these days. as in, no dissociating and melting my mind for hours on the internet watching youtube videos or scrolling through tiktok. i need to be more present in my own life and stop just... letting things get thrown at me without any real purpose or reason. if that makes any sense.
trying to be more conscious.
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