2

i have a pretty big inferiority complex. especially with my siblings. especially with my little brother. this usually arises when something ive been wanting to complete gets mentioned. ive been wanting to get my license & learn how to drive. my dad brought up how eager my little brother is, constantly asking my dad to go into empty parking lots to learn. 

@ this point i feel really discouraged bc the times i have tried finally taking the written test, which i knew i would pass, they wouldnt let me bc smth was down in the dmv… everyone who was there for the written test had to leave. this was before my older brother moved out. i also feel like ive been taking too long to get it & that @ this point i shouldnt even get it. i want to get it, but the planning that has to go into it is hard to set up.

my mom is disabled from her stroke, though shes gotten more mobile throughout the years, & my dad is very autistic so changing plans & doing things spontaneously or last minute just isnt possible. & then when things are planned, things like when my brother took me happen. something goes wrong & i cant do it. 

i know i need to speak up sometimes to get what i need & make them known but i feel rly discouraged to do so. & most of my friends who can drive now dont live near me. they live @ least 30 minutes from me. without traffic. i live in california, so to take a freeway/highway, spend almost $7 for every 9/10 of a gallon of gas, just so that one of my friends can teach me how to drive? yeah thats probably not gna happen. all my friends are students & have jobs & have bills to pay. 

my inferiority complex is also linked to school. i took a year off & my little brother is super smart & he estimates he could graduate highschool & 2 years of college @ the same time. dual enrollment. im proud of his naturally, but it juss reminds me of everything i failed to do & have trouble w. 

anyways, i think having friends live near me & actually get on my ass & help me would be nice.