I keep trying, with all the small pieces

For 30 years I've fought for love. At 10 or 11 I realized that blood and non-blood family never wanted me. At 16 my bio father signed me away. At 17 I thought my first husband loved me only to find out he just enjoyed the physical intimate relationship more. Second husband loved the idea of a family,  but wouldn't put the work into keep it. So I took two years to work on myself.  A week ago I decided to open up and give someone a chance only to be disappointed yet again.  The only thing that I can fathom is I'm completely unlovable.  I'm finally broken.. the young me and the adult me; I only have old me to hopefully be loved. I will continue to smile and pretend I'm great.