going to college

I’ve been thinking about going to college for a long time. it’s in top 10 of my problems right now. it's actually so weird, because I thought I wouldn’t still be alive for this to happen. like, I'M GOING TO COLLEGE! YAY! new people, new learning, new everything, living in a city to which I’ve been like 4 times in my entire life. it’s kind of exciting. maybe earning a few new friends, getting away from all this toxic stuff, that’s been around me at my school. 

thinking about my future, who will I be, maybe even not as a profession but as a person. I mean, who will I be when I graduate college? what will my life be like? who will I know? who will be forgotten by that time? yk that kind of stuff. it’s weird to think how much will my life change at the end of THIS summer, in 2 months. 

maybe I won’t even know the girl that was typing all this stuff, being stressed.

the most stressful thing is people. new people. who I don’t know. but at the same time, THEY DON'T KNOW ME!!! which could be so exciting but it’s not really. though I know that those people will know me only by who I am right now, they won’t know my mistakes or things that I’ve done as a kid (of course if I choose not to tell them, which I think I won't). I might meet more different people, which could help me in my writing, also I will not care about people that don’t like me, I will be doing what I enjoy and have new strength to learn something new. 

in top of my concerns is how I will be living. I will be living in a room with 3 other girls, who I have never met (most likely never met). it’s crazy, because I usually need a lot of space for myself and my mind, my alone time. it’s crazy that my `home` that I come to everyday, won’t become the space for me and my free-thinking mind. at some point that upsets me, but you have to lose something to gain something, so I think I’ll get used to it.

it’s crazy to think that maybe me in 4 months will be reading this and thinking `what stupid chick wrote this`, but I kind of like that I can look back to my thoughts and see what has changed over the time or what differences to my expectations. 

do I think I will be fine? yeah

but this new step in my life will completely change me.

I will still be me, but different me.

and, if being honest, I can't wait to meet her.