Report Blog Entry
Isn’t it weird when your have to mourn a friend who’s still alive?
One of my closest friends walked out of my life out of nowhere. I understand her feelings really, I get that it was my fault. She had every right to leave. But everyday since it happened of gotten more depressed and angry about the situation.
A few weeks before she decided to quit bring friends she mentioned how I might have abandonment issues. We were talking about how I’m anticipating the guy(my now partner) I was talking to might ghost me. How I always expect people to leave and because of that I distance myself to an extent. It’s weird no? She mentioned that knowing she was gonna leave.
Long story short, she ghosted me for a bit. She eventually texted me a few time in regarding my birthday. I wanted her to hang out with me since I was planning on coming home for my b-day. Actually she was the main reason why I wanted to come home. She said she would be by, well…she never showed up. I figured it was because of bad timing, a lot of shit happened to her in a short amount of time. Turns out she didn’t feel comfortable with me anymore. I spent $14 on a train ticket home to wallow in my self pity, when I could’ve celebrated back at my dorm.
(I will say a friend of mine did come through but I was kinda sad to actually be present)
When she finally texted me after avoiding my messages it was the last week of me being in Chicago. I was so excited to tell her everything that was going on. When she texted she didn’t want to be friends anymore, I was hanging out with some friends. I had to step away for a few hours just to cry.
Ever since then I’ve been having really bad nightmares about everyone that I know leaving and telling me how they never really liked me. How I’m an awful person.
I know this is what I deserve and it’s just karma for being a bad person but it hurts. How am I supposed to enjoy myself after this? Everything that I do now is being overshadowed by thoughts of losing this friend.
It just sucks. We share the same friends so I feel like I can’t really rant about this. Especially since I don’t want them to turns their back on her. In reaction of that I’ve been pulling away from all my friends. Like really pulling away. Haven’t been responding to text, I don’t have the energy to call, sometimes I just rot in bed because now I don’t see the point of communicating.
Why would I talk to people if they are all just gonna leave my life?
It fucked me up hard. And realistically, it all could’ve been avoided by communicat
Comments
Displaying 1 of 1 comments ( View all | Add Comment )
VKermodieV
Not to disrespect her (Meow), but if people in your life fade away from you, they were never really your friends. That's not your fault though (meow...) The best thing you can do is just focus on what you got right now. From what things sound like(meooow) you have mourned a lot... Don't dwell on things you cannot control for too long, nor blame yourself. You didn't cause it to snow on My Fuji right? So if it does snow, don't blame yourself for it(meowww) I hope I make sense to you friend, please feel better soon... :3 (puuur...meow)