it's been a while :O

yeah like the title says it's been a while since i wrote in here. but i have to talk about a few things. first, i found out today that my one friend suffered from an ed. i also remembered that he self harmed in the past. i love that guy. if i could take away all his pain i would. his pain hurts so badly. it's the same with all my friends. if i could take away all their pain and suffering, i would in a heart beat. that's sort of why i never understood the hype about jesus. like i respect the dude, sure, but wouldn't everyone be willing to die to take away everyone's pain? /gen i'm so serious rn, if i could make sure everybody found their person/people so that they would never be alone, even if that meant that i would always be alone, i think i would do it. i can't know for sure, ofc. but making sure that MILLIONS of ppl were happy would so be worth one person's suffering. except like pedophiles and shit. idk what would happen to those ppl. idk where to draw the line but i'm going to just say that somehow this wish doesn't include all the "truly horrible" ppl (whatever that means).

UGHHHH BROOOO. why can't i just make ppl stop hurting??? pls i feel so bad and i want to let him know i'm sorry he went through that and that he didn't deserve it but i think i'll make it weird. i'm just so grateful for anyone that's friends wit me. i'm like not the best person. and no this isn't some weird form of mentally ill pick me humble bragging. i'm being serious rn. it shocks me every day that ppl actually like me at all???

i've been watching so many gay shows lately. i'm watching heartbreak high rn, and while the representation is AMAZING it's making me so sad and hitting too close to home :(