saturday night

dear z,

i work until 11 & it’s only 7 pm and i feel like i’m going to throw up & i want to go home. i might ask to be sent home early but honestly??? who knows. m invited me to logan’s house tonight for a party & she says it involves sleeping in hammocks & honestly i’m fine with that except for the fact that m doesn’t know logan buys me booze & she might get upset about the fact i haven’t shared with her. 

also, i asked juniper if she would call me later & she still hasn’t responded. the most i’ve talked to her since she left on the 9th has been on thursday when she said she was alright but had a bad dream. i asked what the dream was and haven’t heard since. right now, i’ve decided to try my best to initiate conversation, but if that doesn’t work, i’ll go back to giving the fuck up. 

i, and dan, still think(s) i should break up with her, but i really don’t, and i really feel like i should at least hear her voice before i do that. (this is, of course, ignoring the fact that half my issue is that she won’t call me even when she says she will.)

i made the joke to dan that the only reason i have a girlfriend is because i can’t get her on the phone to dump her, but also i haven’t been sober enough to. i am drunk enough at work right now that i might tell her how i actually feel. it’s going to be a battle between my logic and my emotion, but we’ll see who wins. 

update you later, 

all my love, 

lola