dear juniper

dear z, 

juniper finally texts me back. she spells my name wrong immediately.

she says, how are you?

(i'm terrific, juniper. i have no fucking idea where i stand with you and i haven't been sober in weeks)

i say, never better. you?

she doesn't respond and i go to sleep. 

z, i am so tired of this and i just want it to be over. whether that means she starts actually talking to me again or we break up, i don't care. (i really should, there's a clear course of action that should be taken). i really don't want us to break up, i really love her and i'll be fucking crushed if (or when) it happens. i had a dream last night where i asked her if she's really dropping out and she said yes, she is for sure. i fucking wish we could just have a conversation like that in real life. 

i also HAVE to be done trying to start conversations. i asked her last night how she is, and i'm not going to say anything else until she says something to me. (i sound like a fucking child, and i fucking hate that.)

i made some new pants yesterday, and i think it took like 7 hours. i don't know if i like them yet. i'm about to start working on the afghan again, but i might start my dress for J's wedding instead. i don't know, i have to stay busy or i'll lose my damn mind. 

talk to you later, z

all my love,

lola