Late nights in the middle of June..

Just realised that the anniversary for my Dad's…death is coming up. I don't know how to feel about it.

My Aunt told me that his friends are going to do a motorcycle run, to give my Dad one last ride. They have some of his ashes and I wish I could go..

Since he passed, I've come to terms with a lot about my life. The mistakes that I made along the way. The people I hurt and everything is sitting in the pit of my being.

Dad left behind so many lessons and his tools.

I know he left on his own terms, and he did not want me to be in person to see him…like that. He was a proud man, and fought hard throughout his life.

But I feel selfish, for just wanting to hug him one last time and say how much I love him.

Dad died in hospice, on June 25th ( Saturday ) around 11:am. That's when my Aunt called me. I saved a screen shot of the moment where my world turned grey.

"I'm so sorry, Honey." She said…her voice breaking. "He's gone…"

He didn't want me to see him in that hospital bed. Hooked up to those wires. Not like that. He knew it would stick with me…

And he did. Because my other Aunt, days before he passed sent me a picture of Dad in his hospital bed. ( I deleted it, but it's stuck in my mind.)

She's been removed from my life. I won't forgive her for that. I don't hate her, but I cannot speak to her anymore.

Forgive the rambling. But I needed to put my thoughts out and process it. To see the reality of what this date means to me.. Dad died in June. And what was once...a warm feeling during this time has now because a burning reminder that he's gone.