maybe...just maybe....its mental illness innit

Okay, two blog post in one day, i gotta slow my roll here. but this is another something that i've wondered for a while. like way before i came on here. this thought came about from me first entering the web design world.

so when i got into neocities and i would yk go through and look at people sites and eventually i noticed a common theme; a large majority of the people i found were mentally ill. like, DANGEROUSKLY MENTALLY ILL. like these people are fucking scary. i know that sounds wrong but SHEESH. the shit these folks put in their diaries is like WILD. they do not hold back when they vent. and im not saying all this in a negative way right like im not like look at all these mentally ill folks yk im just like????????? its just very interesting to me. most websites ive seen and been on the webmaster is suffering from SOMETHING. of course its not always but man. and then i come on here and see THE SAME THING. a bunch of mentally ill mfs. like what? why do only mentally ill people like cool stuff?

also, why are these folks so damn open to strangers on the internet about the terrible shit they have suffered with? cuz like its not just yk "i have autism" its more like "i have autism schizophrenia depression bpd and i got abused by my cat when i was 2 years old" like what i going ON. its always something bruh. 

now. this is interesting to me for 2 reasons. 1 because i have been through some shit and look where i am lmao how ironic right and 2....i got distracted and forgot my second reason lol. but i'll touch on the first one. i am not diagnosed with anything but the fact that i have been hyper fixated on FNF for 2 years means something is terribly wrong. im only joking except im not tho. i have had a few hyperfixations before this and yk i've just called them "phases". perhaps they were and im misusing the word hyperfixation idk idk. but FNF is definitely a hyperfixation. it is crazy how much that game consumed me. im getting off topic. mental illness. yeah im not diagnosed with shit but for a little while ive been like hmmm what if im on tha spectrum lol. a lot of things would make sense if i got diagnosed with something, but i cant say for sure. i am black and black parents dont believe in mental illness so i will literally never know. and like with the trauma right? yeah. like most people i been through some shit. not nearly as bad as what the neocities girlies are goin thru, but yk, its shit nonetheless. but i would NEVER. N E V ER come on here or on my neocities and talk into detail about the things ive been through slash am currently goin through because whyyyyy would i do that lol. why would i want a bunch of randos knowing im suffering and shit. like what do i gain from that????? what would the person reading it gain from that? pity? i dont want that shit from nobody.

ive slipped up a few times online and said too much about my personal life before, but not enough for anyone to understand what the hell im talking about. and i never kept it up. i just dont understand why people type these things and show them to the PUBLIC. like babe, go to the dollar tree and buy yourself a diary. and ofc theres nothing wrong with doing these things. theres nothing wrong with suffering or talking about your suffering online i guess but it is just so fascinating to me why so many of these sad suffering people are WEBMASTERS LMAO. AND THEY'RE DAMN GOOD AT IT TOO. but also i feel like some people say toooo much. like there has gotta be a line between how much you share online and how much you keep to yourself. with this new age EVERYTHING is online. people do not understand boundaries no more. everything is posted and recorded and everyone knows everything about everyone because no one can SHUT UP AND LIVE THEIR LIVES. GET OFF YOUR FUCKING LAPTOP AND TOUCH SOME GRASS SAMANTHA. STOP POSTING ON TIK TOK EVERY TEN SECONDS YOU STUPID BITCH. 

im realizing now that this may be a bit harsh but i have a lot of harsh opinions. im not sayin that to sound edgy. i think edgy people are stupid. its just a fact. and your prolly askin well why the fuck are you typin all this here right now? like, who cares about your opinions? and to that i say, good point stranger. why am i doing this? im not really sure honestly. i like this whole blogging thing. i like to rant i guess. but i understand that that literally defeats my entire argument lol. i dont have a rebuttal. mainly bc i dont feel like typing one.