my mental health

recently , one of my friends had a paranoia episode . i was worried about her but she's better and now what i'm starting to think about  is how much concern petal showed for her , it made me feel a little jealous because i know nobody really takes what i ahve seriously . it's because i keep it all inside , pretty consistently !! i'm proud so it should be good when people tell me that they forgot that i had a certain symptom , right ? but i want to be taken seriously sometimes . i want people to be concerned for me and show sympathy . i guess that's a little selfish to think . i don't want to worry them , that's why i don't show any of what i really feel . i've come close , but i always delete those messages before petal can see anything . there's also a selfish reason for why i keep it all inside , i want people to have a gleaming perception of me . i want people to think of me like an angel they can come to whenever they have a problem .  

what i show people is like the very tip of the iceberg . whatever , as long as my friends are happy i'm happy !!!!!!