difficulty grasping the concept of being enough

am i spread too thin?

i just finished mounting a full length team written production of comedy sketches. with me doing rhe bulk of the work (luckily w the help of my peers) and i won a bunch of awards for the work i do!

my english teacher signed my yearbook saying “i am a leader” and that he knows i’ll go far. i just did a presentation in his class last thursday that he said was one of the best presentations he’s ever seen while he was teaching

i got my first job! myself! my parents even discouraged it but i wanted to gain more independence and work on my own accountability.

i do a lot. 

i have a d in ap environmental science and my father can’t see anything but red. he can’t look me in the eye. he yells. this isn’t the first time but it’s been a while. it brings back bad memories.

i want to fix it! but i don’t know if i can anymore

i feel guilty because the d is completely my fault and my failure to commit to the class.

but i don’t know if i should be sat wallowing in sorrow or if i should be looking at the full picture and remembering that i can’t make everything a priority and that if something slips through the cracks it’s not a statement on my worth as a person

but also why can’t i do it all? why can’t i have a perfectly clean room? why can’t i already have been working? why does everything have to be rushed? why can’t i operate the small business i wish to run? why can’t i do everything i set my mind to instead of anything? 

i graduate in 8 days. i don’t know if i deserve it.