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it has already made my life a living hell already. yeah, okay. believing in a god is one thing, but forcing your belief on your kid is another. good on her part for being able to comfort herself by praying and all. i'm really happy she has something she can rely on but i'm so tired of feeling like i failed her. even writing these stuff is pretty hard, almost feels like i'm clarifying she did something wrong while raising me and i ended up being this way. sounds so wrong, but i assume i rationalized her way of thinking since i was so obsessed about fitting in.
i did not do anything wrong, neither did she. i still have this shame and i am so sorry. i didn't want to be one of those people that she talks about with an obvious mimic of contempt.
she doesn't have to know i can't care less about religion and i don't have to prove to myself i'm still a decent human being even when i don't think the way she does. i'm not doing anything wrong. i'm not. she doesn't have to know. it sounds like it's not a big deal, but it is. it is a big deal when religion makes you YOU in their opinion.
it's just that she wanted the best for me. she believes that's the best for the kid and if i'm being honest, maybe, just maybe i would've done the same. then again, thinking this way only makes everything worse. she wants the best for me and here i am, obsessing over it too hard to the point where it doesn't even make sense, nor is it even worth thinking about it.
on the other hand, i guess the affection you get from your parents is just not unconditional, unlike how they say your parents will always support you no matter what. well, not like i can do anything except keeping my mouth shut. i'll keep my mouth shut, and yeah okay, sure pray for good and nice things, for a good life and lovely people around me. that's not even a big deal anyway, sounds easy.
i just wanted this oddly unavoidable guilt to go away, guess i'll grow out of the feeling one way or another.
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marxsiah
I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one dealing with this kind of situation.
Like I just want to live my life they way I want to without being told I cant do things. You shouldn't feel shame I think cause it's natural to do what you want to do. sucks that things are this way. I only hope once I live on my own is when I can finally be myself
agreed, being told what you can or can't do is frustrating. they're too sure of themselves too and that's another thing that will make it harder. also yeah, planning on moving out really gives a great comfort. things would be way more easier and it would make you feel more comfortable for sure :D
by 4three; ; Report
yeahh man ^_^
I wish you the best :)
by marxsiah; ; Report