11/5/23

As I already said there's not gonna be updates on the situation but I'm still gonna write my thoughts and actions for the various days to keep a timeline, as my memory can become foggy and blurry lolz.

I have only two cigs left, I smoke two today. I think I'm gonna keep them in case I meet a hot mfer who smokes. I was thinking at the start to try seeing if the cigs dispenser had weed cus I think it has but also I have no one to check on me so no way I'm gonna get zooted. Also cus I go out just to go to uni and being high while listening to a lesson doesn't sound like the best idea ever. And I don't hate weed like I hate cigs, the whole point of cigs is my visceral hate for them.

But I found another way to self destruct. I won't share cus I ain't gonna give no mfer specific ideas on this shit, get help. Or at least get your own ideas.

Generally feeling like shit. Like I'm wrong and everything I do is wrong and I have no idea how I'm gonna succeed in life. I don't even know if I'm able to finish this school year alone tbh. I'm just not good enough. And I should produce more but I just can't, when I'm not doing assignments I play videogames but I cannot function if I don't let myself do that. I need so many pauses while drawing. I do it so slowly. But I can't help it. 

And everything feels wrong and I don't know what I'll do or how I'll make money or how I'll ever function in society since I destroy every friendship with my own two hands and I'm just so tired and just ask why me, why Im the one that has to be so wrong.

My thumb hurts from the lettering lesson. I'm supposed to make an assignment for writing class tomorrow but I haven't really understood how in supposed to make it and after the double class of today I'm so fucking tired so fuck it I'll find an excuse for not writing it. No one else has posted their assignment on the class website either so I can't use theirs as an example fucking hell. That's about it. 

A ghost writing from its grave, signing off.