1st say of Eurovision commentary

The worst thing about liverpool hosting Eurovision is having to listen to British people talk 

"MOUM THE EUROHVISCION IS KHOMING TO LIVAHPOOUL" ya bitch cus Russia is bombing ukraine no other reason😭 shut your tea sipping monarchy having ass😭 

Also let's stop pretending Eurovision is not political pls

It always was

EW MONARCHY JUMPSCARE

Guitars and flames for the opening act are always appreciated

Also love that this year the colors are the pansexual flag

Idk who the hosts are but girlboss

"The Ukraine can't host because of the war" LIKE JUST DEADASS AAY THAT 😭😭

WHYS THE MILF SPEAKING FRENCH

Norway: what in the church choirs- . It's giving viking song at the illegal techno party. EAGLE SCREAM????? 

Malta: what the fuck is going on????? Yk what. I vibe with it. Also these three definitely smoke weed. Anything is better than a ballad yk.

Serbia: I swear if this is a ballad IT'S NOT IN ENGLISH LETS GO bitch this is a ballad. I'm sure it's better on drugs. But rn I'm sober and this song is not giving what it thinks it's giving. Also girl SPEAK UP I CANT HEAR YOU

Latvia: these guys look like film majors. Where is the build up going. I don't understand. Underwhelming. That's where. Boring. Moving on. They could do so much more with the lil instrument at the start. Nice vocals I guess.

I'm sorry but Liverpool friendliest city in the world - girl c'mon.

You didn't host since the 80's cus all the UK contestants suck. Also this rap is cringe.

Portugal: non English, already a point for that. Fun, nothing special, nice vocals

Ireland: no. I just hate every very basic peace message "we're all the same let's love each other" vibes

Croatia: the clothes are already fun I have hope. Omg. THIS is Eurovision. Just shit going on. Not a boring ballad. Just fun vibes. 

Switzerland: I feel a ballad coming. I was right. Also every song this year mentioning war that is not fun and ironic is a no. I want CREATIVITY. "I don't wanna be a soldier" girl Switzerland has been neutral for a while 😭. I'm so sorry for all the pretty costumes used on a ballad act.

"Israel": girl if this is a ballad I swear. No. Just no. It feels like an attempt at kpop mixed with TikTok songs lyrics "check my dms" negative points. Get out you and your unicorn

Moldova: please save us from the ballads. This guy feels like he wants to recruit me in a cult. Idk how to feel. 

Sweden: oh I know miss girl is zooted. Reminds me of a song I heard already before somewhere. Nice vocals and nails. But a ballad. it's a no. GODDAMNIT Sweden.

Azerbaijan: oh? Maybe it's more than a ballad? Midwest emo intro. Nevermind. RAP??? WHAT IS THIS TWENTY ONE PILOTS? The sang lyrics feel vintage idk how to explain it. Country. Old rock. Idk. Idk how to feel. 

I like the theme this year with the triple places, it's an interesting compromise

Czechia: uh? Girlbosses? WEIRD CHOIR SINGING? IDK WHATS GOING ON BUT IM KINDA DIGGING IT

Netherlands: idk if they're siblings or a couple.oh not a ballad.bof course it's a ballad. Ugh. Boring. Yawning.

Finland: no metal Finland? NOOOO. CMON. WE CANT CONTINUE LIKE THIS. I NEED FINLAND METAL BAND AT EUROVISION. okay what is this. Another illegal techno party? Okay nevermind Finland is still weird good to know. Got scared for a second with a ballad. Digging this. Insert here gif of cybergoth dance party but gayer

RITA ORA WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE insert here "By the way my Twitter got hacked somebody is threatening to release new music I've worked really hard on. Nothing comes out until I'm ready"

LMAO THEY'RE ADDRESSING THE UK BEING ALWAYS LAST BYEEE. Also don't know how last year uk got second place tbh. Also very easy answer: Ukraine entries are fun, UK does what? Send another ballad? Fucking boring. East Europe always has fun at the Eurovision, the songs have flavour, they give something that is not boringness most of the time and west Europe doesn't fucking understand it. I WANT FUNKY BEATS

IM SORRY THE ITALIAN ENTRY SAYING HE CANT LIVE WITHOUT HIS PLANTS 😭😭😭

Also "the big 5" countries getting special treatment is bullshit and shouldn't exist. Like what's up with that? You couldn't get to the finals with just votes? 

At least Germany has some industrial metal this year.

Qualifications:

CROATIA LETS GOOOO

Moldova. Eh I guess

Now who the fuck voted for Switzerland 

LETS GO FINLAND 

Ya czechia was slaying, deserved

Really? Israel? Unicorn girl? Ugh

Eh Portugal is fine

Why the fuck Sweden always gets votes I'll never understand 

WHO VOTED FOR SERBIA OMG

Norway deserved, wasn't a bad song and it always better than a ballad.