I think ive been running from my feelings

I got an orientation on Saturday to be a host at this place. im really excited... but I think I've been tired. im just not used to being so dependent on a boy. and its wearing me down. throughout our relationship he always said it doesn't matter anyway because you're just going to leave like everybody else. and I've always wanted to prove him wrong so I stayed... and he's not abusive and he doesn't cheat but that doesn't necessarily mean he's good ya know? im just tired of yelling at him to change or at least try and he doesn't... so maybe our times up and it sucks because we look so good together and he's been like my best friend... but living with him is completely different and even though this is temporary what's it going to be like when we actually live together... I kept telling him I don't argue with men I typically just leave and that probably wasn't very nice of me either but its true. should the first year feel like this? and part of me doesn't want to leave because this is my first real relationship so I almost don't feel ike nobody else is going to love me better. and I also have no plane of reference so I always calling my friends. but another thing that keeps me is that if I get into another relationship its not going to be smooth all the time we're going to argue but sometimes it just feels like he as no backbone with everyone else but with me . he'll take crap from his boss but not from me. from his brother but not from me. from his friends but not from me? which I shouldn't treat him like poo but he says nothing to them. but to me he'll get smart. he'll say things that hurt my feelings for instance his boss was being pretty crappy to him and I told him I'd be looking for another job if my boss talked to me like that and he was like well ur mom treats u like poo and you're still there. yea the difference is you're not related to ur boss but ok. he said that a while ago but it really hurt. ;also night he also said I never want to do things he wants to do. I told him I don't have money to go to nyc like you or another city on a random Tuesday I don't operate like that. I barely do spontaneous things in Philly let alone in a place I am unfamiliar with. listening to ctrl im so tired.... I just cried I can't