Been a few months

I have once again forgotten about this site

This is just gonna be a rant on my part, so sorry in advance for grammar and shit. if its bad I might rewrite it to make more sense

something I've noticed recently is that I have started to treat my friends the way I treat myself (I.E. like shit)

and I know that its a result of, ya know, treating myself like shit

"How people treat other people is a direct reflection of how they feel about themselves." - Paulo Coelho

this shit is a spiral I can't get out of

1. I feel like a shitty person

2. I treat people like shit to make them realize I'm a shit person

3. back to step one

this shit ain't even conscious, which is the worst part

I cant just be like, "well lets treat people better"

Cause I can't anymore

I don't know how

a different thing I've noticed is I'm a lot angrier then usual

my usual response of hitting shit ain't helping no more

 I get so mad at basic shit that I can feel myself tense up 

or worse

sometimes I get so mad I feel like I'm going to throw up

Other than hitting shit and working out, I have no outlet for this

especially one I can use consistently

so it just builds, and I lash out

back to step one

there's prolly more shit rn I'm forgetting, but idc rn

I'm trying to get this off my chest before I try and vomit again

my mouth tastes like shit