me and mr jones

I got an interview to be a server at this little restaurant downtown and they pay pretty well too.i got another interview to be ballet downtown, and I had an interview today. the guys were cool I guess they told me to ask for josh but neither of them were josh and they were a bit out off by the fact that my instagram was private so I opened it because a lot of these late night spots have been asking for that but they told ne they have other interviews and they'd get back to0 me. I do feel this intense need to be presentable on my ig not just for this job but for my summer internship. the reason why I leave these open is because I genuinely want to hear u guys opinions but I don't think anyone is on here that frequently and I don't have enough followers to be expecting that but like its good like that because this is my actual situation right now and I know I would be extremely sensitive about it even though Im legit asking for you guys to leave your opinions... in due time I will speak up about me n my moms situation but for right now I don't even want to talk about it. also im angrily typing and my bf is again. oblivious. lol. he's out of a job but doesn't want to apply for the shit he went to school for like? even though he could make so much money and everybody around him encouraging this bull. also he's a punk. his other two younger brothers are in the house in addition to the two guys that are his usual roommates and somebody peed on the bathroom floor im telling him you have to say something or they're going to do it again. he says it doesn't matter because its late and nobody will admit to it  and he'll probably do it again so what's the point but let me tell you it works. in africa they pull you to the middle of the village and everyone in the village sings a song about how you wet the bed and typically after the first time kids don't want to be humiliated like that again so they don't do it but others take a couple of times but my point is that even if it is the youngest one and he doesn't admit to it if you address it in front of everyone in the house he's not going to do it again he probably peed in there with the lights off and missed the toilet doesn't even realize he missed the toilet like I can't wait to leave... its like he has no backbone and is already disappointed by the persons ability to do or not do things so he's given up  you still have to try and I feel like I've been so starved in the relationship that I called him a good boyfriend because he got my laptop from my bag knowing I needed it because I had to do a final or when he got me chips I like from the store without asking because he knows I like it... idk guys am I being too hard on him? like I feel like its not enough? like he's always like I feel like I know nothing about your culture... we've been dating for almost a year now. I may not write you an essay and give you a presentation but I've definitely mentioned my culture before in passing especially since I grew up so involved in it and surrounded by other people that come from the same culture. also the youngest brother is really fucking creepy last night he walked up to the bedroom door , opened it and looked in and then slammed it like a fucking weirdo. I even had a dream that he came into the room while we were sleeping and he kept reaching for the covers while I was clearly under it and then tried to touch me and my wimpy boyfriend didn't do anything but say "tell him to stop" but I screamed but nothing came out and I jolted awake. I was breathing hard n shit. even my subconscious does not think my boyfriend will protect me. like even typing this made me want to haul the laptop at his face and he doesn't. then he wants me to sit in here and Kiki w the mf like at a cookout I might entertain the relatives but living with them I have absolutely no capacity. today the kid wants to hang with us which is like okay go do that in the other room with him but I kept sayin this is your room if you  want to hang with your brother I can't do anything about that. he says if you don't want to then he doesn't have to its up to you.. all in front of the kid. I am legit getting mad again typing this lmao. but then he finally says you know I don't want to hang with him anyway and Im like then say that with your chest and tell him that omg that's not my little  brother why would I want to hang with him ? like ? im so pissed im laughing ... then he brought up the excuse that I was naked-- I didn't have on pants but I have on underwear and I was under the covers... and ur doing your homework... long story short he (the brother) said something to me the other day that mad me uncomfortable as anything and he want to leave him in the room with me while he showered do I look like the baby sitter ?  like if u really want to hang with him without disturbing me all of you will go into your brothers room but you don't want to. I keep thinking this too shall pass and how crazy it will be to look back on this part of my life but it seems like there's no end. I kept telling him that hey these people are related to you and not me so when I say no I automatically became the wicked witch of the west but if you say no you're just their typical anti-social brother. and I am a woman u realize what you're doing by making the woman, a black woman, the villain.. also to put my feminist badge down a little are you not ashamed to be hiding behind a woman...   also besides my boyfriend I have no capacity for men... like everyday I grow more and more disgusted with them. not because im living here but like seeing men grovel at me in my dms just makes me think they're pathetic like get away from me. like living with him has been extremely hard meshing the fact that we're both broke living with five other people... I also have not listened to Brent faiyaz continuously since like my freshman year of college because his music made me so sad (because I am crazy- not gonna get into that background) but I damn near listened to his whole discography today. like its bad... and the only time I get a break is at work... no wonder I am trying to get a weekend job so I just don't have to be here.