new blog post

hey spacehey users, it's me, Sylvie. I'm back again to do some more blogging for you guys. I've been really tired and unmotivated so I haven't made any blog posts in a little bit, but here I am, to try and give you a look into my life again. Hopefully you enjoy.

I've just been... really exhausted recently? Kind of defeated with life. It is the way it is, and I'm just going to have to get through this year before I get even a small semblance of a break. Everything is terrible, but everything isn't over. I am trying to keep some semblance of my life together. Been talking to someone I haven't talked to in a while, and they are... ok? I just feel a little weird these days making connections with people. I've been hurt and also fucked up a lot before in the past, so it doesn't motivate me to reach out much anymore. I'm just tired of all of life's bullshit, personally. With what happened a few weeks ago with a friend of mine trying to get me to convince them not to kill themselves, it makes this "friendship" thing feel... idk. Just like a lot. Everyone is draining my energy, when they used to give me more. Its the depression for sure, but I've already accepted that too. Ah, shit just sucks.

Played some board games over the weekend with some people I know in person, which was fun. I'm not really sure what to think of them, they make me feel kind of bad about myself in some ways, but I don't like being alone over the weekend, and it's something to do. Played Catan for the first time, lost, but it was alright. 

I've been less and less active here, which isn't necessarily a good thing. Still waiting to hit 10,000 profile views, which will hopefully make me feel some positive feelings, but the apathy is really setting in hard. I don't really have a lot of people to talk to on here, and the few that I do I also share their discords for the most part, which can be easier to talk over. I don't really know what I want to do more on here... just meet more people? But I've met so many people... and blogged so much. I'm just kind of tired of it all. Not you guys in particular, this is just how I've been feeling.

Been playing a lot of cookie clicker, but even that has gotten boring. Games aren't keeping my attention anymore, I don't know what to do with my time. Looks like I'm having a bit of a depressive episode. It's painful, slow, and numbing. I wish I had more to say guys... but I'm kind of running out of energy. Talk later, if I'm feeling better. 

-Sylvie