whats happening?

time goes by fast. it is its own concept. that no one can comprehend. i hate it. i wish i could rewind it, taking me back to simpler times. or back to a certain date. when my life was full of joy. i sometimes still am. but mostly im just, here..? where is the word to describe it? why do i feel so lonely in this world where i have people right by my side? is it something have to do with me? am i the problem here? whenever things go right, it twists to south. and it ruins everything. i feel so lost. i wish i could vanish. i wish i could go up to the sky, and touch the clouds. or run away from everything. so it could be easier. all of it. the past reminds me of what i did that day to me all the time. every minute. every hour. every day. every week. every month. its been hell. but im still here. why AM i still here? because of them.. they are keeping me here. and im not complaining about that. they help me, they HAVE helped me when no one else could. especially you. you've helped me for so long. how long has it been now? 4 years? i dont think i can do it without you. and i dont know if you know that.