the kenshi experience™

imagine skyrim but even less linear with the difficulty of a souls game. kenshi is weird as fuck, and its taken me 10 hours to get to a point where i don't die in about 3 seconds. currently playing as a robot who was an ex-warrior or something, but i got kicked out of my hometown because i kept stealing random CPUs and pawning them to fund my gambling addiction.

then, i made a friend with another robot at a bar whilst gambling away the last of my savings. but this robot friend was so inexplicably weak and slow that he died during a fight with some random bandits i stole from a while ago. i pawned off all of his weapons and armor and made friends with a couple of humans at a bar. one of whom stated she had a huge fear of big spiders and asked if we stayed away from them while we travelled together. we stole some shit, got chased out of town, and we unknowingly walked into a giant desert consisting of, exclusively, big spiders. both of my new friends died while i forced them to mine copper. i stripped their corpses and pawned off all of their possessions.

so i'm thinking, "this teamwork stuff is pretty hard. these guys are just slowing me down." so i run into some slavers who are selling hive (basically bug people) at a cheap price. i pick the cheapest one, this one hive worker called mu. mu is the most useless, pathetic being i've had on the team. one time when we were passing through a super religious area, we ran into an area with "beak things" (big bird thing) and not only was mu gravely injured, his right arm was ripped clean off. mu has been in about 50 near death situations. he keeps getting mauled by wild animals and bandits. he's basically my meat shield at this point. so currently me and mu are making a pilgrimage to a hive village where they sell robot body parts at a cheap price. i'm actually considering putting mu inside a peeler (machine that takes off your limbs) to give him actually useful body parts so he's an actually effective member of the team..

one time when i still had my original robot friend, we were roaming the desert and came across a tiny outbuilding with about 20 robots wearing human skin. me and my robot friend were, as usual, gravely injured and needed to use their repair tools. so i lie and pretend to dig the whole human flesh cult thing and now i'm one of them, apparently.

tldr; what the fuck am i playing



update 02/05/23: myself and mu have made 3 new allies! well, bought 3 new allies. one of which was a slave that i wanted exclusively for usage of my well so we can grow hemp, and another npc to process it into hashish (drugs). the first slave kept getting attacked by wild animals and bandits wanting a crab tournament (they brought giant crabs and wanted us to fight them ??). whatever. just told them to leave us alone and grow our drugs in peace. my other 2 npcs i found at a bar and wanted to be mercenaries for me, which is code for meat shield. on our pilgramage back home, they kept getting sunburnt and died about 3 times before we somehow rng'ed our way back to our drug lab. i also found a straight edge city that buys hashish for a 600% markup which is.. incredible. i'm literally rich. but also, there's this group of bandits who come to my well every day asking for 2000c, and i'm too much of a pussy to defy them

update 05/05/23: so much has happened. i realised using someone else's hashish farm is unsustainable, and getting water from the well is the single most dangerous task i could send any of my underlings to do. john robot pulled up to a waystation and hired a new minion for our operation. this was a gunner and i already had a specialist crossbow to give him. his name is "ugly nerd" (patent pending). i got all of my goons (john robot, john human, mu, mortez, spike, and ugly nerd) to move up north to the hub which is basically a huge city. we're already licensed shinobi thieves so its a guaranteed safe place for everyone to sleep after being up for several weeks producing hashish.

i realised that we now had 2 humans on the team, mortez and, obviously, john human. this is useful because there's an area in kenshi filled with racists called the holy nation, which hate pretty much anything that moves except for human men. i heard that they are generous and give you free first aid and rations, which is incredibly handy, because i'm not very good at remembering that humans cant eat rotting meat. so i sent in mortez, my strongest, and made him buy a prayer book. he fit right in and was exploring okhran (where the holy nation is dotted around), stealing farm harvests and looting dead holy servant corpses. unfortunately, while exploring a tower, he loitered in it too long and was beaten unconscious for trespassing. he was then immediately enslaved and crippled. because i still had the job set on mortez to "operate machine: hemp processor", his ai by default escaped his cage and started to crawl all the way back to our hashish lab. somehow, despite the fact that both of his legs were "totally destroyed", he managed to crawl his way out of the mine and get a good few miles away from it. i had no idea about this because i was spending my time getting john robot to carry spike to a hive village to get him a new pair of legs (he had, yet again, been mauled by wild animals). mortez was soon found by guards though, and they picked him up and tried to escort him back to his cage. however i think their ai bugged out because they kept on moving back and forth rather than moving in a single direction, as seen here. this rescue operation will be tricky.