Words from me

When I do not know what to write but I still want to I start to doodle on paper, I never know what to doodle either so I scribble until it makes something but today I wanted to talk. I wanted to talk about whatever came from my mind, maybe my random thoughts. I am missing the past a little too much lately, no I do not feel depressed at least not rn. I just feel numb like I am just floating in my empty mind. I have been thinking about how my life is changing and how it has changed throughout my years on the earth. I kind of don't feel real but ik I am here I am existing. I miss my friends, I miss my family, I miss where I used to live. I don't miss it at the same time though. I am not sure what I am feeling, I don't want to do anything anymore. I do not want to live a life on repeat, I want to end everything but I also don't. I am kind of in a stuck situation in my mind, I don't want to keep going forward but I can't stop so I am just dragging my body to the next day at least that's what it feels like. My escape is sleep and getting lost in being busy  but I am tired of being busy. I am tired of this vessel I call my body I want to travel the astral plain and stay in a meditative state for ever. I just want to fade away into another more peaceful world, wherever that may be.

Thank you for whoever reads this, you are aprreciated more than you know<3