drifting away

i feel so numb at times. where i dont feel anything at all. or is it because i dont want to feel anything at all? these emotions, these feelings, they make my mind go crazy. why do i depend on these things when its making everything worse? i just want to drift away into the wind. i want to be at peace. i want to be happy, i really really do. i want to lay down. in the middle of the woods. alone. the scent of fresh wet leaves drifting through the air. the cold air touching my skin. looking up at the gray sky, slowly closing my eyes, my body and mind. my soul drifting away into my own world. my own world that allows me to be happy for just a little while. why cant i stay there? is it because its all a dream? is it because i cant stay there forever? i really wish i could. so i could stop hurting myself. making myself go crazy. making myself fall deeper into this so called pit, where theres really no bottom.

i wish life was easier.