writepril day 17 on the right day yahoo

i am finally caught up!! i know i posted 4 hours ago already but i wanna post while im thinking about it. apologies for the gay ass post earlier i was having a shitty brain day until i got home and smoked weed, funny how that works isnt it? using my other silly little vice to suppress my other silly little vice. Work wasnt bad or anything but i WAS steaming samples for like 4 hours and thats fine except that means i was standing and moving my arms up and down for 4 hours. So needless to say im tired and setting up the showroom today almost took up my whole shift. i was soooo sure i was gonna say fuck it to all my progress today and just drink and deal with the consequences but as of right now i have decided not to do that. someone left a can of mikes hard in the fridge and i noticed it this morning and during my shitty brain moment at work all i could think about was getting home and shotgunning it. i had it all planned out too like a real alcoholic i knew how i was gonna hide it from my family and be real sneaky about it. they dont even really know im practicing sobriety and not just taking a break from drinking so they probably wouldnt even care. anyway i was gonna get home and shotgun the mikes hard and then order more alcohol on uber eats and get drunk as fuck by myself. but i smoked weed and i feel mostly fine. sorry for being so open about my plans to relapse, fair warning i have been candid so far and plan on continuing to be. but i dont think im gonna drink and i can properly celebrate my 4 weeks of sobriety instead of feeling guilty :-D body dysmorphia got me needing an appearance change really bad today i dyed my hair 2 days ago but its not enough. i need a new piercing or 2 and a haircut and more tattoos. thatll be enough to tide me over for at least a couple months i think. i really just want to like the way i look again i could really do without self image issues right now. sorry for being such a downer today all jokes and cynicism aside i am happy that i feel comfortable enough to stop myself from drinking rn. i am Strong and powerful like a bull. thanks for reading my ramblings twice in a day 🤝 love u muchachos