I make an excessive amount of huge mistakes

I work in banking and I could not recommend it any less. You deal with people's money all day- their rent, their livelihood. And sometimes I fuck it up. I fuck it up tremendously.

Today I was informed that I issued a Money Order for $1,000 when the MO limit is $500. I was told that the old system in the bank had safety nets and would not allow you to create money orders for over the limit's amount, but unfortunately the systems don't do that anymore.

Why would it allow you to perform transactions that shouldn't be allowed?

Either way, it's my fault for not paying attention. To be honest I was nervous and focused on making the money order correctly, because I've messed up this customer's cashier checks before. I think the nerves got the best of me like they always do.

I used to think I work better under pressure, but I've realized recently that it isn't true. In fact, pressure makes me do so much worse, because I'll be hyper focused on a particular mistake that I don't want to make and I end up making a different mistake instead.

Perhaps I should see a professional about this. I make unique mistakes that no one else has ever had to deal with. Lucy may take one hour to do a single cashier's check, but at least they never end up being wrong.

I'm a bit of a coward because inside, I am hoping that the bank just allows this to blow over and clears the check anyways, or that the news of the check not clearing reaches the customer while I am on vacation.

I was so focused on not making the same mistake I made before, switching their names or accidentally making a cashier's check instead of a money order that I didn't realize the amount was over the limit.

Also, I am just genuinely so confused because I can't believe I didn't ask her to sign her check. That's the singular thing to keep in mind when making money orders. I have convinced myself I either remember watching her sign it, or I remember her telling me she will sign it later.

I wish I could rewind and see exactly how I made such a huge mistake on her work. The worst part is, I definitely made that mistake apparently because my previous and latter cashier's checks were different amounts.

I am so confused on how I possibly made an error upon error.

If Emily comes back, I know she would likely prefer not to be helped by me and that's so awkward. I hope the bank could just approve the check. I hope I did ask her to sign it and she just didn't. I hope her payment is made on time. I don't know.