bittersweet stuff

heya! Its been a minute, and I don’t have a ton to say, so this will suffice. In the last 4 or so days I’ve watched/read two really good love stories, and its both really nice to see because I love romance, but also really a bit painful because I’m lonely as fuck haha. The movie was about this couple who erases their memories of each-other because they were fighting but then find each-other again. It was all like, destiny and love n shit, and yes it was a really well made movie but like… I was thinking about if I have someone like that in my life, where I made a mistake ending the relationship or want them again… and nah, I’ve never had a relationship that meaningful, hell, I’ve never had a friendship that meaningful! The comic I read (it was really a manga) was about a love triangle between this crossdressing boy, his best friend who is super closeted about his feelings, and the underclassman girl who asked him out thinking he was a girl. It was a relatively short story, but really complex with a lot of intricate social dynamics and deep themes of loneliness and desires (among other things). It hit super hard for me because A. I super relate with the main character and if I could crossdress in school I probably would and B. all the characters feel really lonely or left behind at some point in the story, and fuuuuuck is that even more relatable! People who used to be my friends have already forgotten me, probably for the better. I feel so fucking isolated and alone in day to day life, and it was both validating but also a little sad to read as that the main characters have their friends to support them when they feel alone and I do not. I often feel hopeless, and although people tell me that I’m gonna find people eventually or that they can help me, nothing’s actually ended up working. It’s just a waiting  game, and I’m tired of it but I have no choice but to play along. Anyways, I hope I can find someone someday who loves me. Doesn’t have to be a forever relationship, but I just want to know what it really feels like. It’s never fun to be alone.