Report Blog Entry
Lately, I've been trying to be a better person. I was never bad, exactly, just inadequate. Part of becoming better is actually putting myself out there and interacting with other people. I've been pulling up my academics and learning how to drive. I'm trying to fix my life before it becomes unfixable.
I've been socially isolated for a long time, mostly by choice. I can hold a conversation and am generally described as pleasant, but other people scare me. In the past, I would have acquaintances and no real friends. I'm going to be honest, putting myself out there sucks. Surrounding myself with accomplished people sucks. It makes me hyperaware of the fact I've kind of wasted my life up to this point. So much wasted potential. Hah, that phrase has followed me since grade school.
So that's where the title comes in, I guess. Considering the context of my life, I will never be on the same level as these people are. Even if I woke up tomorrow completely changed and began a new life as a highly motivated person, I would still be marked by my previous laziness. The only way I would be able to finally be "good" is to completely transform my life until I would no longer be recognizable. (Side note: why do I seem to have such a black-and-white view of good and bad? Why do I believe myself so strongly to be bad? I don't know. I just feel it. It's not logical in the slightest.)
Some days I want to give up on being better and continue my comfortable slide into nothing. Scratch that, most days. I'm still trying, though. I will overcome my flaws and make something of myself, I swear it.
Comments
Displaying 2 of 2 comments ( View all | Add Comment )
Jada
Hey babe, first of all, kudos to you for making efforts to be a better person! You're not alone in feeling inadequate at times, but remember, progress is progress, no matter how small. It takes courage to put yourself out there and interact with others, especially after being socially isolated by choice.
️
Don't beat yourself up over the past or compare yourself to others. Everyone has their own journey, and it's never too late to start making positive changes in your life. It's okay to feel scared or overwhelmed, but remember that you are capable of growth and change.
It's also important to challenge that black-and-white view of "good" and "bad". Life is complex, and we all have strengths and weaknesses. You're not "filthy" or inherently bad, and it's okay to make mistakes along the way. Embrace your imperfections and learn from them.
On days when you feel like giving up, remember your determination to overcome your flaws and make something of yourself. Surround yourself with positive influences and support systems that can lift you up. You've got this, babe! Keep pushing forward and believing in yourself. You're capable of amazing things, and I'm rooting for you! 💪
Hey, thanks for leaving this comment! It feels good to know there are people rooting for me, haha. Hope you have a great day!
by Katal; ; Report
River
I know we don't know each other, and I hope this comment doesn't bother you, but i can kind of relate to how you're feeling. I have also been very asocial all my life, both by choice and sometimes involuntarily. Especially when covid hit, i became completely isolated. I believe in you and im rooting for you!!
Don't worry about bothering me, I did put this out here publically :D If I didn't want comments I wouldn't have enabled them! Anyway, I'm glad you believe in me and I hope you and I can achieve what we want in life <3
by Katal; ; Report