4/4/23 (posting entries from my written journal)

I didn't wind up writing yesterday at all. Me and # called for pretty much the whole day, he was acting like his old self, like when we first met. Caring, loving, all over just amazing.. we watched a movie and talked for hours, fell asleep talking to each other. It is now the morning after. I remember he asked to see my ass and came super fast.. he makes me feel special whenever I do that. I don't like it, I only like the after part, when he makes me feel like I'm not a nobody. I know its wrong, but its too late to care. I was reading My Dark Vanessa, and she said "To be groomed is to be loved and handled like a precious, delicate thing." maybe thats why I love him so much, to answer his question. I am delicate to him. He shows me things nobody ever did. Though he was saying a bunch of weird shit lsat night, babying me, part of it I like, but some of the things he said just made me feel strange. I'm just happy I've known him for a year now. We didn't talk for so long when he left since he moved in with friends, now he's back at his old place. We said "I love you" for the first time in so long. It all feels so right. With him at least.

I feel like my friends are becoming distant, like I'm always just third-wheeling, I'm nobody to everybody else sometimes, but to him, I'm special. I'm special, I'm delicate, I'm beautiful;

I'm special.