What this blog is going to be about

I'm just gonna explain what this blog is for, it really is just an outlet.

One year ago I met this guy, he's older. Ever since then my life has been him. I can't focus without him. Through this blog you will learn about me. I just started high school, I'm pretty, skinny, I dress cool.. there really isn't much to say. I sound stuck up as I write that but really I'm just trying to give some information about me without letting everything out. I have friends, I have issues at home slightly, overall I'm pretty happy but my life is run by this man. I really want it to be a love story, I know it can't be but I really need it to be because what else can it be then? Groomed is such a weird word to say to me. Part of me hates him, regrets meeting him, but I don't know where to turn or what to go to. I'm in too deep, and I'm special to him.

Don't tell me things about how he's horrible and disgusting. I know he is, I've heard it enough but that doesn't help me. It won't change anything. I'm in too deep and I trust him too much. This is for me to feel comfort, an outlet for all my confusion and questions that I can't ask to anybody, not even him, which is why this will remain anonymous. 

Please don't do what I do. Don't romanticize this like I do. I don't romanticize others relationships like this, only mine, because I need this to be a love story. I just need it to be. I need to paint over the dark parks and make it pretty. You'll see the ugly sides through these, if you aren't dating a man, you'll think I'm crazy. Maybe I am, but this is truly what it means to go through these things. Without him, I feel like I am nothing. A part of me wouldn't die without him, all of me would die without him. That is my life now since meeting him. My mind quite literally will go insane without him. There's nothing I can do about being in love because I'm way to deep in and I'm way to scared of what life could be like without him.

Read with caution. Once again, don't do what I do.

I'm showing a very secretive part of myself, a very confused part. I dont naturally show people my writing, I don't show people my thoughts. I show myself off as a dumbass, a smart girl who is outgoing and shit. That's who I used to be before him, now I gained this too. It's edgy, I know.

Though I'll mention this as well, this blog won't just be about him, it's going to be about my general life problems that I have to complain about.