welcome back grl.

I was just telling myself today that damn, I miss blogging. Although I never really had anyone read them I just miss the emotional dumping of my brain onto the screen. I've always used journals since I learned how to write. Back then there wasn't a lot to write about anyway. It was 2004 and the most shit I had to complain about was forgetting rotations at volleyball practice before a big game. WELL WHO WOULD'VE KNOWN THAT THERE WERE MORE ATROCITIES IN LIFE?!

Now fast forward 17 yrs. and now she worried about the rotations of life. lol. This feels therapeutic though. Of course this isn't therapy--I can get that now but there's something about being able to revisit places that once gave me so much happiness because it was one of my very first introductions to socializing. Now if they brought AOL/AIM back it's ooover. We can't live in the past, I know that's for sure but isn't it funny how things have come full circle? The fashion, the music, the movie remakes, FREAKING BEN AFFLECK & J-LO?! Y'all. Maybe some things should stay in 2004. Was low-rise jeans a thing then? I think so. I actually liked them. My body now, not so much...but we're working on it.

That's another thing-- in 2004 I used to think my body was so meh. I felt like I still needed to grow into it. I wouldn't feel completely comfortable with my body until 10 yrs later, at the age of 24. However, I'll always feel like a work-in-progress, but I've given myself so much more grace in my adulthood. I had to unlearn the self-hate and appreciate me for what I was-- a learning young adult with little guidance. I'm grateful that I lived through all the shit that happened to me behind the scenes and that I can do something so mundane yet so satisfying as blogging. I had to defy the systems that made me feel unworthy and create a support system with people who stood for the same causes and believed in a better future.

So, maybe I'll even share some of my poetry hiding in my journals. The Instagram zombies legit couldn't comprehend it so I wasn't comfortable posting stuff for the inept. I miss sharing my poetry. One of the last things I wrote before I left FB was more of a blurb than a poem but a friend's then-boyfriend messaged me and said it struck a chord and that he cried. I didn't realize that my words could hit so hard. I was grateful for him sharing that. I think it's too long to keep my writing in hiding.

Published by Gretchen

welcome back grl.

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