Mommy issues.

Do you love me?
If i get good grades, will that make you love me?
When i am in tears, or the brink of failing my classes, am i then not deserving of your love?
What will make you love me!?

"I wanna be like you, i wanna say that i can. I wanna be the person that you think that i am."
I play this song on repeat.
It makes me forget about the horrors of being your child.
I am your child am i not?

"Just by living im hurting them another day--"
Tears slide down my face each night as i constantly come to the chilling conclusion of my life.
But if it is to forget them, i will write.
Ill write pages upon pages.
As long as i forget.

Love me. 
Why cant you love me.
What must i do to be the best in your eyes?
Must i be a pretty daughter?
If im anything less i wouldnt be right would i?
If i was a boy id be wrong to you.
If i was myself id be wrong.
Maybe then i am wrong.

"Just by leaving im helping them another day--"
Leaving.
Something i desperately want to do.
But i stay.
But not for you mother.
I stay for my family; My TRUE family.

"Nobody there to scream, nobody being mean to me--"
I want you to be nice to me.
Why cant you love me like you do them?
Why cant you treat me like you own goddamn child!?

But then i remember.
That im not am i?
Im less of that.
Im not even human to you, am i.
I mean, im not to myself either.

But as i say this,
All these feelings i keep trapped in my heart,
I remember.
"Somebody here to scream, someone here is stopping me?
Why cant i laugh it off like the way that i dream. .?"
Them.
I am staying purely for them.
The moments i wished to disapear so badly,
Become like the wind,
Dead and free and no longer in pain,
I remember why i live.

I live to keep my family, my home, together.
I live to keep my brother alive.
My responsibilities, theres many.
But i do them while being screamed at.
I finish them, no matter how hard i find living in this disgusting, pig filled world.
I am stronger than you will ever be.
I am stronger than you, even while crying my heart out.
I will ALWAYS be stronger than you.

So mother.
Answer me this.
Am i loved by you yet?