a little rant about comfort songs

hey hey! making another blog for you guys, this one might be a little shorter (we'll have to wait and see eheh), so hopefully short n sweet! I wanted to talk a little about this experience I have with music I really like that's important to me. 

So, lets start with a bit of a story. Today, well, it hasn't been the worst of days, but it certainly hasn't been a pleasant day. I've been working hard to keep a strong front, make it through, tough it out till the weekend. Just headstrong through a lot of work. When I get exhausted though, my mood tanks. I get really unhappy, it feeds into my depression, and it hits me emotionally. Usually, I use a little bit of music to offset this. I, like most people I'm sure, use music both as a distraction, inspiration, and motivation. Music often means something to me, whether its the song my Dad used to play for me in the car on late night rides or if it was that one song in a videogame I found catchy. Particularly for me, I associate music with feelings. Each song gives a certain vibe to me, lifts or lowers my mood just a little bit. Sometimes that little bit is enough though. But there are a lot of things in play to discern what a song will do to my mood. Especially if I havn't heard it in a while. So, earlier, when I was feeling down, I played the song Soul Meets Body by Deathcab For Cutie, and it really helped! Eventually after repeating a song so many times it loses some of that effect on me, so after probably 10 repeats or so over the course of my day, I listened to other stuff. I hadn't heard the song in quite a while, and I was reminded of it the other day when someone was asking for song recommendations. The response to hearing it was visceral, and reminded me both of my childhood, and of my appreciation for music. Inevitably though, as my day went on, I started feeling really shitty again, for various reasons I won't get into here. I scrolled through my usual list of songs that I cope with, the ones I have saved to my files on my phone. One of them though, a soundtrack from a game, reminded me of a different song, one I havn't heard from a while. So, I popped open youtube, searched it up, and played it. I went into it expecting it to help my mood a bit. What happened was, a bit unexpected. 

The song is called "...con lentitud poderosa" by Chris Christodolou and it's part of the Risk of Rain 2 soundtrack. Here's a link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nn9trJXUrp0 . 

You'd think, yeah, ok. It's a videogame song, no lyrics, whatever. Not a big deal, maybe there was some cool moment in the game it reminded me of. That's what I was expecting too, but I think I forgot just how much I resonated with the song. It comes in with a piano, all somber, and almost reminiscent. I knew the drop was coming in a bit, but I kept listening, enjoying the ambiance. When the music pulled back, I instinctively braced a little for the drop. But my memory was just a little off, and it hit right after I expected it to. I got this sort of shivering sensation, from my feet to my neck. It was so... raw. The song already brings out some melancholy themes to me, especially where it is in the game and what it signifies. But that's not what I'm here to talk about, haha. This song, for a little bit, it had a huge shift in me. I was like, just sitting, feeling the song, not thinking, not burdened, just eating up that melancholy memory. And then it was over, and I've played it again and again but I just can't seem to regain that first experience. Havn't had that happen from a soundtrack... really ever, haha. I've gotten chills, but just rarely. This felt a little special. Give the song a listen, maybe one of you can get what I felt. Thanks for reading ya'll, have a wonderful day/night/evening/morning :).

-Sylvie